Santa Claus is Satoshi Nakamoto

Santa Claus is Satoshi Nakamoto

Until now, Santa has relied exclusively on a pen, paper, elf magic, and a giant book to track the half-billion kids that receive presents under their Christmas Tree, directly from Kris Kringle, late Christmas Eve around most of the world.

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” -Arthur C. Clarke

There are two reasons why it was Santa Claus who invented and developed Bitcoin: 1) as Christmas became more commercial, parents would buy presents of their own for their children, wrapping them in Christmas wrapping paper and addressing them to their kids FROM: SANTA—Santa needed to find a way to shut down counterfeiting, especially by mom, dad, and well-intentioned uncles and aunts.

Additionally, as toys became much more sophisticated, technologically-advanced, and—to be honest—much more expensive (such as Apple iPads and other premium high tech toys)—Santa needed a reliable way to generate revenue. Wondering who that Bitcoin Mega-Whale is who owns billions of dollars worth of BTC? Just look north to the man who has no business plan to speak of and absolutely no plan to generate any revenue from ever actually selling anything. That’s right, Santa Clause is a Bitcoin Billionaire and just about every Elf HODLs a couple million themselves.

Baby, It’s Coin Outside

Bitcoin, being both an asset and a ledger, allowed every step of Santa’s entire Christmas-centric process, all the way from strategy and design through sourcing raw materials and partners to organizing armies of elves and securely tracking the authenticity of Santa-designed and Santa-produced toys and tech from the drawing board all the way down each chimney and beneath each and every sparkling and glinting Christmas tree and into each brightly-colored stocking hanging on the hearth.

Everyone wonders what Santa Claus is up to in the North Pole with Missus Claus and all the elves do with themselves all year long. They surely couldn’t be making toys all year long for only one night? And since all the toymaking is popularly known to be under the elves’ purview, what do Mr. and Mrs. Claus do? Are they on the glimmering beaches of Ibiza?

Let me tell you: R&D. Research and Development. Missus Claus is a world-class coder and is rumored to be a co-founder of Anonymous. Santa and Misses Claus met at The University of Helsinki way back in 1872 where they were both studying. Subsequently, they do often take courses as part of their own personal and professional development and are proud alumni of MIT, CalTech, Cambridge, ETH Zurich, NUS, the University of Tokyo, Lomonosov Moscow State University, and even the Department of Computer Science at Urbana-Champaign, and others—usually in deep disguise.

While Elfen Magic has always been the fuel that has run the yearly delivery of Christmas presents to good boys and girls, the growing global disbelief in magic over the last hundred years has actually affected the pool of earthly magic that Santa has been easily and effortlessly been able to tap. As a result of moving into the 21st century and a truly technical and rational age—a real age of materialism—Santa has had to develop a plan B and plan C.

Peak Magic

I don’t want to go into too much detail, but magic depends a lot on consensus reality. As long as enough of the population believes in magic, magic just existed. The moment all mystery in the world is easily explained by science—even bizarro science like quantum mechanics—the pool of magic will dry up. We’re currently at Peak Magic and Santa Claus is mighty worried and so is developing alternative methods with which to sate all the little boys and girls who hungrily wait in fitful sleep, for zero-dark-thirty Christmas morning.

Back in 2008, things were getting very murky when it came to authenticity in the North Pole’s chain of custody. There were counterfeiters and counterfeiting.  The chain was always a custody of trust. As the world became both smaller and wealthier, there was more interest in not only corrupting the chain but disrupting it. Seriously Grinch-level stuff. Scrooge, but at a global scale. And then there was National and Corporate interests as well. Could you imagine with you had Santa Claus and all of his resources, magic, and technology in your pocket as a country. What a competitive advantage to China, the USA, even the EU. Coercing the North Pole into a particular sphere of influence would tilt a balance of power that has allowed Kris Kringle to look at the world as borderless and without prejudice.

Since it was also Kris Kringle who invented and propagated the Internet—do you think the US Military would have given the Internet away?—creating a decentralized ledger system that would love nowhere and everywhere—both living and a ghost—allowing there to be a global bookkeeping that would prevent and effectively undo (rollback) any transactions that aren’t validated.  And even before any such transactions are put into public scrutiny and the verification process, the crypto part of cryptocurrency comes from the Latinized form of the Greek kryptos “hidden, concealed, secret.”  Implementing blockchain into Santa’s gift-giving process has been a boon. Neither the naughty and nice list nor the gift list are top secret anyway (though maybe the credit bureaus would give their eye teeth to access them as a contributing credit rating data point—I wouldn’t put it past them).

The North Pole has never maintained a security air gap. As a result, there have been incidents, reported by anonymous sources, that the Naughty and Nice list might have become adulterated by obviously Naughty hackers, Naughty crackers, and Naughty phreakers—and many hacker, cracker, and phreaker parents of little Naughty boys and girls who should have obviously received coal in their stockings were it not for unethical manipulations on the part of their mollycoddling parents.

Also, Linus Torvalds is re half-elf and received much help from the North Pole in his development of the Linux operating system—again, Santa Claus has always been a big supporter of the Open Source movement and is also a founding Cypherpunk.

Decentralized Autonomous Organization

With a strong chain of custody and a transparent and immutable way of keeping track of inventory as well keeping all stages of the planning, production, and delivery from being corrupted and all the toys from being counterfeited, Blockchain proved to be the perfect solution to Santa’s accumulating operational issues. Also, as part of Santa’s blockchain, which is a version of a decentralized autonomous organization (DAO), all the tasking and compensation of the elves during the entire process is made more efficient, profitable, productive, and fair, every year. The DOA is responsible for most of the management of the toy building process and all elves are tasked and compensated in the DAO’s utility tokens, the official currency of the North Pole, the KringleKoin.

The nature of The Blockchain, also known as Decentralized Ledger Technology (DLT), encourages pseudo-anonymous transactions to happen both transparently and immutable, meaning that while all transactions and chains of custody are publicly available and publicly viewable, real time, to all moms and dads (in order to make sure Santa’s timing lines up with their family schedule to make sure sleep schedules are tight), and to give fair warning to them whether they have naughty or nice children—often in enough time to get off the naughty list before delivery night, December 24.

In the past, pre-Blockchain, the naughty and nice list was locked in around America’s Thanksgiving time. By then, the logistics of production and delivery needed to be cast in stone. With the advent of computing and modern logistics, the North Pole has been implementing JIT—just in time—inventory and delivery.

Since 2008, The North Pole has been a strong proponent of blockchain in terms of its logistics systems. Delivering billions of presents to half-a-billion children over one 24-hour delivery night, globally, is a logistical nightmare, as you may very well imagine. Just in time inventory and delivery has allowed Santa Claus to source hard-to-find or poorly-sourced items in the inventory of Depots managed and maintained by Amazon, UPS, FedEx, Wal-Mart, Target, Costco, and their International brothers, sisters, and cousins, that are spread across not only the many shipping and trucking hubs and routes of the United States but around the world. Each inventory warehouse depot has a discrete chimney saved for Santa and a nice sturdy rooftop for his sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer.

Cross-Chain Technologies

Generally speaking, any and all inventory requisitioned from these hubs have been taken care of after Christmas is over. Then, all debits and credits can be settled. Many of these global retailers offer Santa steep discounts and some even offer inventory gratis in the spirit of the season. Yes, Santa has non-profit, charity status in every country in the world and so providing last-minute, just in time, toys for boys and girls is, indeed, a tax write off.

Now, with the advent of Blockchain and Cross-Chain technologies (allowing the logistics blockchain of Costco, for example, to communicate both safely and directly with the toy delivery logistics blockchain that Santa maintains) all the accounting to square suppliers’ and Santa’s accounts immediately and transparently is done reliably and expediently. I mean, nobody wants Santa to be accused of stealing!

At the end of the day, Santa isn’t an either/or sort of elf. He and his wife are “magic and” kind of folks. They believe there can be magic and science, magic and Amazon Prime, magic and atheism—that sort of thing.

Security Coin Offering

As a result, his goal has always been to remake magic into rational technology as fast as he can before all the magic runs out. Blockchain and Bitcoin and cryptocurrency are one of those solutions. Right now, Santa is interested in Security Tokens as a way of building history and value into his blockchain, transitioning from his utility tokens. Start saving up your Christmas Gelt for the impending Token Sale that Santa Claus is sure to launch in the forms of an STO—security token offering.

Merry Chrismas to all and to all a good night.

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